Oh not another one…

I have to get this out. Off my chest and onto my blog. I have told countless people about it but I don’t think anyone cares because my feelings are so fickle.

Well I like this guy in my religion.

I like him because I saw a different side of him the last couple of weeks. He’s been very sweet, helpful and caring towards children and elderly people. He has far more patience than I do. He’s also very sincere and tells you exactly what he thinks instead of trying to make impressions. I used to think he was irresponsible but I was proved wrong. People respect him. Plus we share the same interests, similar music tastes and laugh at the same stupid jokes. He’s also been through a couple of experiences like me before he decided to change his path in life so I guess that counts. I do want to get to know him better but the question is, does he like me?

Oh I don’t know! He’s ignoring me since of late and that makes me sad. He has also not exactly displayed any signs of a guy having a crush on me would normally display.

Patience… I guess should be cultivated?

Blind Date

Wednesday the 25th wasn’t like any other Wednesday. It was in fact extremely stressful, and it wasn’t because of work. This friend of mine whom I’ve never met before (I can’t remember how we even started being friends, all I remember is that we’ve been friends for about 3 years) and lives in Aussie suddenly sends me a message on Facebook suggesting we meet up. I was pretty surprised that he was in town, so anyway while I was thinking about it he sent me a message again saying that he would like me to come out Tuesday night. I immediately made up this huge story about not being able to make it. The thing is this, I was scared to meet him. What if he turned out to be a wierdo? Living in Aussi far away from me and communicating is fine but not in close proximity. He replied back all disappointed and I felt bad, so I asked him to meet me for coffee the following day at Coffee Stop. Awesome, a crowded place, he won’t be able to do anything so I felt a lot better. Then I called a couple of friends asked them to randomly pop in to see how things were going and if I needed bailing out they knew what to do. Sorted.   

Wednesday the 25th  dawned. I was nervous. I felt my stomach in knots. I was stricken with panic. I didn’t want to meet him so I hoped that he would text me back with an excuse. Instead he called to find out whether I could make it for sure. I assured him that I would be there. He sounded nice on the phone but they say serial killers are also equally nice, so it did nothing to ease the uneasiness. 

5:30 hailed a taxi and made it to the Cinnamon Grand. I didn’t know how he looked so I didn’t know whom to look at. There was a young guy in a red tee sitting with one leg tucked under the other leg, couldn’t see his face. For a moment I stood there hoping it wasn’t him, because his blue underwear was visible and it immediately put me off. I was in two minds, walk away or just ring his phone. I took a deep breath and dialled his number. The underwear peeping guy didn’t move or check his phone. So I looked around and there was another guy seated on a comfy couch, he was dressed in the same colour as the couch so it kind of camouflaged him. He looked at me and I walked over and said ‘hi, it’s me Curly Tales’. Instead of extending his hand, he reached out and hugged me. After much trepidation I hugged him back. 

He immediately offered to get me a coffee, so we walked over to the counter. Whilst we there, we had a casual discussion. I quickly warned him that a couple of friends might pop over, so there was nothing to be alarmed about. He was cool with that in fact he told me his cousin might come over to pick him up. So he had a back up plan too in case I was a serial killer. At that precise moment friend number 1 who happens to be Specko shows up. We ordered our coffee, found a place to sit and starting talking about random stuff. Then friend number 2 Hypergiggler arrived, all flustered. She settled down and got Specko talking. So now there was two conversations happening, one between the two of them and the other between the two of us. I actually liked that, it allowed us to concentrate on ourselves rather than worry about having to make an impression on the other two. We chatted about random things, nothing too serious and nothing too stupid. Th only important thing I gathered from the whole conversation is that he’s still single. Then it was time for him to go, he didn’t look like he wanted to stay or he wanted to go, he seemed simply just casual. I don’t know whether that was a good sign or a bad sign. When we were saying our good-byes, he hugged me again. This time I caught a whiff of his after-shave and I quite liked it. Not the hug though, like I’ve mentioned before hugs don’t happen naturally for me. He left. 

I really liked him. He was nice, cute, friendly and a burgher. The rest of the evening went off well. Specko got along with Hypergiggler and friend number 3 Bouncy who also showed up. Now the whole episode has left me with questions spinning in my mind…

What does he think of me?

Does he think I’m stupid?

Will he keep in touch?

Does he think I’m attractive?

And loads more. Well I hope he keeps in touch and I hope I get to go to Aussie in September or February so I can meet up with him and the rest of my buddies.

So here goes…

The strange and wonderful things are happening all over again. I feel nauseous and happy all at the same time. These strange and wonderful feelings are also gut wrenching because as I’ve written before the guy that turns my insides upside down has a girlfriend. So I should stop obsessing about him and hoping that something happens to his girlfriend.

Life’s a bitch!

So I’ve decided I’m going to bury my feelings behind the washing machine, it’s a great place to hide stuff. What goes behind, never comes back. A secret place like Narnia. Anyway this post all about putting an end to my tugging heartstrings. Before I rest my case on this matter (yes my darling friends your ears will finally be at peace) I need to say that this has been the longest crush I’ve had. I still remember the first time I developed a crush on him. I was 14 going on 15. I was shy and awkward around him, still am. Every time a girl approached him I would immediately start hyperventilating. Well there’s no use reminiscing, it’s time to let go.

So here I am
Letting go

On the other matter… the matter about the guy whom I didn’t have feelings for, well I told him that I simply couldn’t go on hoping that in time I would have feelings for him so the best thing is to just forget about it..
He thankfully was all right with it and didn’t put up a fuss even though I knew he wanted to say things to make me change my mind. So that’s over with though we promised to remain friends. I would hate it if he stopped being my friend.

So I guess I’m going back to my old boring life and I promise no more ramblings about my love life for a while.

Woke up this morning with a feeling of disappointment.

Knowing that it could have been avoided makes it worse.

I stand and stare into the mirror.

My tousled curly hair seems messier.

They’re frizzing to show their disapproval.

I avert my eyes to avoid looking straight back at them.

I move away and tell myself that it’s okay.

But it’s not, because I’ve given him renewed hope.

Hope, that he shouldn’t believe in.

I curse.

At my selfishness and loneliness.

But it’s too late.

Too late to go back and make things right.

But it’s still not too late to avoid making the same mistake twice.

Love complications

He’s a nice guy.
Has a good job, which means he’s financially stable.
He’s got a car, that’s great. Relationships should come with a car from now on.
Extremely spiritual. That’s great too, since I need someone to keep me in the right spiritual track.
It’s comfortable having a conversation with him. He speaks easily without awkward pauses.
He understands me and doesn’t expect things I can’t and will not do.
He respects me.

Basically I’ve found ‘a good match’, as my Nana would say. So what am I whining about?

Well he’s short. Maybe 2 inches shorter than I am, that means I won’t be able to wear heels for the rest of my married life. But that’s a petty issue.

He’s not funny, no that’s not correct he is funny but not witty. I love witty people more than just being funny.

He doesn’t share the same passions or amusements for things. I don’t think he’ll find the spinning scrambler amusing.

He’s not spontaneous. I’m the sort of person who likes to wander around Ginigathena in the dark, or dance in the rain, or drive down to Hikka in the middle of the night. Well I know with a little pushing and prodding he’ll do it but that’s not what I want.

He doesn’t like dogs. That’s a big NO for me. I have a big black loving German Shepherd and won’t leave him for a man.

Very simply he seems like the near perfect guy but I’m not in love with him.

…………………………………

He’s a nice guy.
He’s still in University, a million miles away.
His family is a family I have always dreamt I would have when I married somebody (yes I’ve thought about that at length).
He’s not spiritual but he believes in God.
He’s creative and shares the same taste in music, theater, books and movies.
He’s extremely smart and has a great sense of humour, plus the right amount of wittiness.
He loves dogs.

I’m sure he has a whole load of faults but I can’t pinpoint them simply because I’ve tried to keep my distance hoping my feelings for him will change. So that kinda limited my interactions and getting to know you better. But the feelings haven’t…what do I do?… confess my feelings? Well I can’t do that because there’s one major problem.
HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!

Aiyo!

Just in case you didn’t know, I’m not the relationship breaking type. I’ll leave that to the bitches!

Wrong Diagnosis

So it wasn’t a crush really just an infatuation, which thankfully is over. So time to get some sleep.

Every time I see/speak to him

My heart beats faster…
Butterflies swirl in my stomach …
I start to stutter and nervously giggle…

Whenever he’s not around

I toss and turn every night …
At the sight of food, I lose my appetite …
I can’t do any work without his face flashing across my mind…

Urgh!!! I feel a crush coming on…